Our two stupid dogs are really starting to tick me off.

I know it’s not nice to call anyone or anything "stupid" but sometimes, there’s just no other word that fits.

There are many things about their behavior that irritate me, but by far, the most irritating thing is when they decide to start barking in the middle of the night, for no good reason at all.

Sometimes they bark because it starts raining. Sometimes they bark because there are other animals harassing them from the other side of the chain-link fence that defines their world.

And then sometimes, oh yes, sometimes, they bark for absolutely no good reason at all.

Last night, for example, my wife and I were rudely awakened by the loud barking at 5:15 a.m. just outside our bedroom window.

Our inconsiderate and thoughtless dogs robbed us of that "ever so precious" last hour of sleep, which is even more precious to us now that my wife and I share our home with a five-month-old daughter, a two-year-old son and a five-year-old daughter.

It doesn’t happen every night – probably only once or twice each week.

Honestly, it would be better if it happened every night, because then we’d just find new permanent sleeping arrangements for the dogs in a faraway place.

It’s always a surprise – and a rather unpleasant one, at that.

When it happens, I usually utter a few choice words under my breath and begrudgingly rise out of bed and get dressed.

After getting dressed and putting my shoes on, I go out to the garage and get the two dog carriers and bring them to the back yard.

Last night… Well, I guess technically it was this morning – but it was still dark – anyhow… Last night, I met the CockerPekeMix and Mini Dachshund in the yard for a little "heart-to-heart."

I looked around and I could see that there were no other animals in the neighborhood causing trouble, and there was no rain in sight…

"You stupid dogs," I told them, knowing full well they didn’t have a clue what I was saying.

I loaded them up in their carriers and took them to the garage which is a building separated from our house by a blessed 100 feet of space.

I closed the garage door with a small grin of satisfaction knowing that they could bark till the cows came home and no one in our house would hear them.

Of course, they never bark after I put them in the garage, which only adds insult to injury.

Usually, after getting back to bed and trying to slip back into a pleasant slumber, I’ll have some dark thoughts about ways to solve our doggy problems. But in the light of day, my better angels convince me not to act on these notions.

I shared my latest dark thought with my wife, and she had a suggestion that was even better, and certainly more humane.

My wife’s mother was recently heartbroken when her dog passed away after many years of being spoiled beyond belief.

"Why not send our dogs to her?" my wife suggested.

Now, I’m not so sure sending these particular two dogs to my mother-in-law, all the way from Texas to Canada is necessarily the best recipe for extended family harmony, but I have to admit the idea has a great amount of appeal.

I’m sure the shipping cost will likely be astronomical.

But it just may be money well spent.