By Pamela Baker

Could someone please explain to me why my six-month-old’s clothing has pockets in it? I never seem to have a pocket when I need one. But the baby, his clothes are full of them.

Exactly what do babies need pockets for? Their car keys? Cell phones? Pacifiers?

All of my daughter’s clothing has pockets too. I counted, and one of her little 4T outfits had seven pockets. Seven pockets! That’s a lot of pockets to stick chewed gum in.

My husband’s clothes are littered with pockets. Pockets that are big enough for his keys and wallet and maybe some tissues. He’s always leaving things in his pockets. Change, receipts, and pieces of string – I never check the pockets of his pants before I wash them, because I feel that should be his job. So I find a variety of things at the bottom of the washer when I pull out the clean clothes. I’ve washed money, pens, pocketknives, and most recently a few uncooked beans. Yes, beans. Very clean beans.

Most of my clothing, on the other hand, is pocketless. I guess I buy fairly inexpensive clothing, and pockets are expensive. Maybe the designers find that pockets ruin the look of their clothing, and therefore leave them out.

I think it’s a conspiracy to make women buy purses. You can pretty much spend as much as you want on a purse. You can use a plastic grocery bag, or you can spend a year’s salary.

I know some women really love purses, and spend a lot of money on them. My purse budget is probably about thirty dollars a year. So, I’m not spending a lot on purses – I don’t want to support this industry that is the cause of my pocketless pants. I put my purses through a lot of tough times. I would never be able to carry a bottle of diet soda in a $400 Coach purse – I don’t think you can put those in the washing machine. My purse needs to be utilitarian, with lots of pockets and zippers and a good place to put pens and pacifiers.

I hate carrying a purse too. I already have to carry a diaper bag, and sometimes I have to carry my daughter’s Dora the Explorer backpack. Sometimes I combine them – I’ll put my purse essentials in the diaper bag or the Dora backpack. A grown woman with a Dora backpack always gets some interesting looks. But, it does the job.

I can’t seem to find a purse with a long enough strap either – one that is long enough to put over my right shoulder, go over my head, and leave the bag resting comfortably on my left hip, leaving my hands free with no worries about the purse sliding down my arm.

Perhaps I expect a lot for thirty dollars – a pretty, rugged, large, washable purse with lots of compartments that can be sterilized. The purse will also need to survive a trip on the hood of my car when I forget it up there on my way somewhere with the kids.

If I don’t find a bag that lives up to any of that, perhaps I could just stick all my stuff in the pockets of my family members who all seem to have ample pocket space. I just know my husband will be thrilled to carry around my lip balm and tissues.

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